ask Knox: coffee dates and awkward family reunions

09Dec08

mailbox3*I receive many letters from my readers soliciting advice on issues of the heart. In the interest of continuing the exploration of matters of the heart on this blog, I have decided to share my responses to some of the more interesting inquiries with my general readership. If you have a question or issue you’d like me to address, please feel free to write me at heartbrokedaily (at) gmail (dot) com. All letters will, of course, remain anonymous.

Dear Knox,

There’s a rather Handsome Fellow who lives in my apartment building. Every now and then we share an elevator ride or pass one another in the lobby. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been making eyes and smiles as we cross paths and he responds in kind. On Monday he made a formal introduction and asked me to coffee. While I accepted his invitation I am now not sure if I should follow through. A number of my girlfriends have warned me that if things between me and the Handsome Fellow don’t work out then it’s bound to become awkward, living in the same building and all. I’m inclined to agree, but I figured that I would ask you for your thoughts first before making any decisions I might live to regret.

Good news – it’s a free country and you can do what you want. Guilt is optional. So are regrets. While your friends are telling you not to shit where you eat, they are also probably going to spend next Saturday night in front of the television with a bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz, a tub of Cherry Garcia and some bad Chinese take-out. Be my guest if you want to join them. I suggest you go have some coffee with the Handsome Fellow, but keep a close eye on him. Be sure he doesn’t put skim milk or Splenda in his drink or Rohypnol in yours. So long as you find him mildly amusing, feel free to take him back to your crib and have your way with him. In my experience, there’s nothing wrong with having a steamy affair with someone who lives close to you. Just don’t exchange keys to your apartments. I made the mistake of doing this once back in Nashville. One Friday night, by accident, I had too much to drink and passed out in the girl’s bedroom closet. When I woke up several hours later I found her taking on half of Hillwood High School’s defensive line. Did I mention she was 28 and a history teacher there? Really, a rather awkward moment for the both of us.

Dear Knox,

I caught my husband sleeping with my sister. However, he doesn’t know that I caught him yet. I’m wondering how to approach the situation. Any input helps.

My last wife caught me under similar circumstances, I admit. She destroyed a number of my prized possessions when she burned our house to the ground. Then, she wrote a tell-all memoir about me, smearing my good name and causing me to get fired from my job and even blacklisted in a number of small republics. As if this wasn’t enough, she then went on a book tour that sparked the creation of a hate group whose sole purpose is to make my life a living hell. I’m up to my ears in hate mail and there are some seriously unnerving sidewalk stencils that outline my impending death by castration. I can’t say that I would recommend you do all of these things, but they certainly worked well for my ex-wife.



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