ask Knox: for love and money


mailboxDear Knox,

I’ve been seeing this girl for about nine months now. She’s the first serious girlfriend I’ve had since I became, for lack of a better word, assfuckingly rich about three years ago. Our relationship thus far has been really fun. She’s intelligent, honest, and nonchalantly beautiful. Best of all, she didn’t seem to care about my wealth. Early on, I had to resist the urge to spoil her, taking her on simple dates to movies and restaurants and museums, doing my best to treat it like a normal relationship. Lately, though, I’ve been splurging. We went on a surprise trip to Paris last month. For her birthday, I got her a $10,000 painting by her favorite artist. The VIP-lifestyle has crept up on us and with that, I’ve noticed a change in her behavior. She talks more about products she wants, has become more interested in the high life and is even talking about quitting her job, so we can spend more time (and money) together. I really love this girl, but I’m also feeling really weird about the situation – I can’t tell if I’m simply starting to feel more selfish about my wealth and want to share less with her, or if she’s starting to expect more out of me. And even if the relationship falls apart, is this what I can expect out of all future relationships? I really could use some advice on how to take all of this in.

This may sound a bit radical to you, but I was in a similar situation some years ago and what I did worked out perfectly.  Essentially, if you want to know if she’s the one and that money has nothing to do with it, take her to Monte Carlo and let her know that you are going to liquefy all assets and let it ride on a game of roulette.  Put your entire fortune on one color, allowing yourself a fifty percent chance of hitting.  Whether you hit or miss, you’ll see her true colors as that ball spins around and around, before landing to make you either bankrupt or even more assfuckingly rich.

The real point of this exercise, however, isn’t to see if she loves you for your money; rather, it’s to prove to yourself that you don’t need the money, in the end.  That’s what this is really about, isn’t it? Of course, when I did it, I actually won and yet she still left me, saying, “You’re a fucking psycho.”  Maybe she was right about that one.  Whatever the case, we knew in that moment who we were dealing with.

[update: see comments for the advice-seeker’s follow-up]

4 Responses to “ask Knox: for love and money”

  1. 1 Assfuckingly Rich

    I mean, I’m not trying to figure out if this girl is my soulmate or anything, and I’m not prepared to go to such ridiculous lengths to test my girlfriends devotion. I guess, more then anything, I just wanted your advice on whether it’s possible to have a normal relationship now that I’ve become so wealthy and exactly how you suggest I go about it.

  2. 2 heartbrokedaily

    Oh, well in that case, no. It’s not.

    Either give up the moneybin or prepare yourself to have a weird, affluence-influenced vibe affect all future girlfriends. Either way, it’s not the end of the world.


  3. Hi Assfuckingly Rich—I love the name. Ok. I’ve dated plenty of rich men, but have never even consider quitting my job or expect them to shower me with expensive gifts. Granted, I do appreciate the finer things in life…but I don’t need it to be happy. I would suggest you stop spending so much money one her. Instead of $10,000 gifts and trips to Paris etc. Send her flowers, send her thoughtful text messages, romance her with your heart and not your money and see how she acts.

    Your money is not hers to demand. I do believe that it is possible to be Assfuckingly Rich and have a normal relationship. You just have to find the right woman.

  4. 4 Kate

    Forget roulette. There’s a difference between loving someone for richer or poorer and loving them when they do something completely deranged. It’s possible for you to have a normal, real, loving relationship, but it’s rare. On the other hand, that’s pretty hard to find for people who aren’t assfuckingly rich either, so don’t assume its your money that’s kept you from finding it just yet.

    I’ve dated a number of extremely wealthy men, and the reason they all like me is because they know I don’t care about their money. I don’t ask for gifts, I don’t ask for money, and I would never ask them to support me, even though I know they could. My gut tells me that anyone so easily seduced by what you’re offering isn’t the right person for this relationship–after all, if you’re really that rich, a trip to Paris or a nice piece of art is no more proportionally expensive to you than a weekend at a bed and breakfast or a nice piece of jewelry is for an average guy, and she shouldn’t react to it any differently. But yes, you can find someone who won’t be fazed by the amount of money you’re able to spend on them–just live the life you enjoy until you meet someone along the way who makes it more enjoyable. Anyone who makes it less enjoyable, get rid of them.

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