heartbroke audio: Loveless Devotion, by Over The Atlantic
Rachel was the girl who turned me on to Over the Atlantic. I was never that into synth-pop or shoegaze before, but I was really into her. And because I was so into Rachel I eventually got into the music that she loved the most. She picked up OTA’s album, Junica, on a trip to New Zealand we took together shortly before I was to leave on another trip to India for several months.
Rachel burned me a copy of Junica and gave it to me at the airport. “Don’t forget about me while you’re gone,” she said. “Listen to this if you ever miss me.” I’d find myself listening to it often at night while I thought of her or wrote her letters. There was one song in particular, Heart Land, that I liked more than the others because it seemed to encapsulate my feelings and situation at that time perfectly, especially one of the final set of lyrics – “I lived in a house in India/ The ceilings were pink and the grass was blue/ But nothing appealed to me like you do.”
In the end, things didn’t work out between Rachel and me. To make a long story short, she cheated on me while I was in India and I was never able to get over it.
To turn the story full circle, Nik Brinkman, who fronts OTA, sent a new song of his over to me last week with the following note attached:
I wrote this song about the pain and anxieties that come with being in a relationship that lacks trust. I was suffering a lot from this, and I eventually became rather ill from the stress. Everything became a worry in a way. I became too paranoid for my own good. Dealing with old issues that involve cheating can never really be easily resolved, so when you try and pursue something and heal an old situation, it can sometimes be too hard to work out, no matter how hard you try. I learnt lots from the situation, and I’m sure she did as well. So I tried to channel these emotions into sound, by recording this track. It’s a love hate thing, really. It has some beauty to the track, but also some really aggressive parts.
After reading this and listening to the song I nearly shit myself. I went to call Rachel but realized that I had erased her number from my phone years ago. Nik, thanks for your music. Rachel, I’m still trying to heal. I really am.
You can listen to more of Over the Atlantic’s music here.
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