ask Knox: experience

13May09

mailboxHey Knox,

I’ve been dating this girl for about seven months and I’m really into her.  I think she’s into me and we’ve both implied that we’d like to try to get deeper into our relationship. The trouble is, she’s way more experienced than I am and I can’t get it out of my head. I’ve only had one serious girlfriend in the past and haven’t had too many other women. Meanwhile my girl has slept with 30 or 40 guys. Every time we bump into a guy she knows I can’t shake the voice in the back of my head asking, ‘Did he fuck her? Was it better? Would she do it again?’

Subconsciously, I think it’s caused a lot of arguments, and I know that my girl isn’t cheating on me, but I just can’t shake the jealousy. What should I do?


You’re not going to like this answer, but the truth of the matter is that such feelings may never go away because it has more to do with your insecure nature than anything else.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m the same way.  Almost everyone is.  And even though I’ve actually had a lot of experience, it doesn’t make it feel any better to think about whatever girlfriend I’m with sleeping to have been with one or many people in the past. Everyone wants to be the first and the last, which is obviously irrational (if not impossible).  But so is romance.  This feeling gets diluted a bit after being with the person for a long, long time, but it still will occasionally surface on the bad days.

Love is possessive.  It probably shouldn’t be, but it is.  Just do your best not to think about her with other guys.  It’s not going to help you or change the past.  It’s just going to drive you completely nuts.  And if you can’t hack it, well, find yourself someone way less experienced.  It’s a cop-out, for sure, but I’m not naive enough to say that all of us are big enough to put our irrational romantic feelings in check.

Just don’t sleep with any virgins.  There’s nothing sexy about it.  I never have myself, and at this point I can categorically state that I never will.



One Response to “ask Knox: experience”

  1. Take it from an experienced woman… :)

    I don’t go around thinking about all the men I’ve shagged. Even when I run into them. She’s with you now, enjoy her. This woman may have a lot to teach you.

    I agree with Knox, this is your issue. We are all with someone’s left overs. You may want to try putting things into perspective.

    If you can’t stop thinking about her PAST lovers, then you need to move on. But what about the next woman? Are you going to drive yourself bonkers worrying about her past lovers too? How many is too many?

    Another thing: Stay away from conversations in which you or your partner have to disclose how many lovers they’ve had. This information will only cause unneccessary problems.


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