Margot, the elusive (part 5)

19May09

knoxSo Margot didn’t or couldn’t want me and I knew I had to get over her. But I couldn’t help but submerge myself in guilty feelings of unrequited love a little bit longer. A couple weeks after her final rejection I left a long message on her voicemail.

“Hey Margot; it’s me again. Sorry to bug you.  I know you’re probably freaked out by the calls and I want you to know I understand. It took me a while to understand. I didn’t show up to work a couple times because I was so torn up, which, I know, is crazy, because we don’t know each other that well.

margot5“It’s weird. But I just feel like I need closure with you, which is unlike me.  Frankly, I haven’t really been myself since I met you. So anyways, I’ve been camping out on the coast for a couple days. Drinking a lot, but it’s given me a fair degree of clarity. I dunno, I guess I was just feeling trapped in my old relationship, and I met you, and you’re such a rare person. It just shook me.

“But listen.  I get that it’s not going to work. I know it was a mistake for you to go home with me. It bums me out, Margot, but it’s OK. And guess I just had to call and say that. It’s going to be OK. And—“

Right then, I was cut off by her answering machine. I thought about calling back to finish the sentence, but realized I’d said what I needed to.

A couple of minutes later, I received a text message which read, “It’s OK, Knox. Be well,” and it warmed my heart. I left my friend’s cabin outside of Depoe Bay the next morning, barely getting to work on time. After, I did what anyone with a violent case of heartbreak is supposed to do. I went about my life. And I drank.

One night, at the dive around the corner from my apartment, I bumped into an old co-worker named Lisa. We commiserated about our respective woes in terms of relationships, careers, and chronic wanderlust. I took her home that night, and it was nice. Nothing earth-shaking, but it’d been six months since I’d slept with anyone (that ‘anyone’ being Margot) and Lisa was exactly what I needed.

Lisa didn’t turn into a steady relationship but we called each other every couple of weeks for drinks, which would inevitably wind up with us sleeping together. I was on my way over to meet Lisa at a night club when I received a call from number I didn’t recognize.

“Knox, it’s Margot.”

After a moment of stunned silence, I said, “Margot…. I didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t expect to call you,” she said.  “But I’ve been having a rough patch with my boyfriend. We are actually in the process of breaking up, and I don’t know. I was thinking about you. I wondered if you might like to get a drink with me. Tonight.”

Her voice cracked a bit as she said “Tonight.”

“You always were impulsive,” I said.  I thought about it for a moment – this woman whose ghost had hung over the last six months of my life like a raincloud was calling me, asking me for a drink. And I realized, while I was still torn up over Margot, my feelings for her were better when they were unrequited. I could feed off her rejection, still, and I didn’t want to change that. It wasn’t even a question. “But tonight’s no good for me, Margot. Maybe we can grab coffee sometime.”

“Really? I thought this would sort of be – like a big deal, me calling out of the blue.”

“It probably should be, but you know what they say: timing is everything. Be well, Margot.” And with that, I hung up the phone and headed out into the night.



2 Responses to “Margot, the elusive (part 5)”

  1. I love the pic. Makes me want to go on vacation in the carribbean.

    My grand daddy told me a long time ago that if I have to fight to keep a man, I will find out one day that I didn’t want him to begin with. I remember this everytime I start to lose my head. Losing ones head I’ve come to find is not very hard to do.

  2. This post made me realise, that you are one of my own.


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