ask Knox: long distance is the wrong distance
Knox, me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship of one and a half years, and I can’t shake the feeling that he’s cheating on me. What’s worse, he’s applying for grad schools and I’m waiting to see where he gets in, and then we’re going to decide where I’m going to follow him to move, and I know it will work out once we’re in the same city, but I’m not sure if we can hold out. Do you have any advice?
If you think he’s cheating on you, he probably is. Lovers develop a sixth sense for these kinds of things. You somehow just know when it’s happening. That, or you’re a paranoid loser with no self esteem or emotional barometer.
Whatever the case, long distance relationships don’t work unless you find the right balance and see each other fairly often. Generally, though, if you’re not seeing someone enough, they become more of an idea than a real person. And rather than be in the moment, keeping open to new situations and people, you hold out for this far-away abstraction because it’s safer than going out with your friends, taking risks and living life. I hate to say it, but your boyfriend has got the right idea here. Sure, he’s an asshole and he’s lying to you and if this were a teen movie we’d be all rooting against him – but you’re wasting your youth away by watching DVDs, eating ice cream and waiting by the phone for some guy who s probably cheating on you. Fuck, you’ve only been dating for a year and a half and you want to just wait for him to get into grad school so you can follow him? If your father were in front of me right now, I’d slap him for not giving you enough attention.
My recommendation to you is to stop wasting time reading my blog, break up with your boyfriend, find something you love and just do it. Don’t live in someone else’s shadow. Make your own rules. Quit being such a mopey loser.
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